I am Officially Nuts.

August 2, 2011 Corie

On the night of my Senior Prom, Kyle May, who I had several classes with, was on Model UN with and who was dating one of my best friends, told me that I was bipolar.  I had forgotten to wear the corsage my parents got me to dinner and I started freaking out and balling because I was afraid that they would find out and be upset.  After dinner, I turned around, went back to the house and got it, and was completely blissful by the time that I made it to the Prom.

In the five years since then, there have been several other people to accuse me of being mentally ill, ranging from sorority sisters to my exhusband.  Even my parents have accused me of it in the past.  After the birth of my son, the few weeks of postpartum depression made it even more evident.

I went to the doctor today for a check-up and to get a refill of Maxalt for my migraines and I got to talking with my doctor.  I told her that I haven’t been sleeping well, I am having panic attacks when it gets too busy at work, and I have periods when I am upset for no reason, and even though I realize that I am upset for no reason, I cannot seem to snap myself  out of it.  She suggested that I try Paxil for depression and anxiety.  She warned that side effects of Paxil included weight gain (which I have been trying to do for years anyways) and that if I do have maci depressive disorder (which she thinks that I might) there is a possibility that it could make it worse.  I am supposed to monitor my behavior and go back in four weeks for another check-up.

Let me clarify that my headline is not making fun of mentally ill people.  I understand how helpless you can feel when you can’t snap out of whatever is wrong with you.  People who have never felt this way can never understand.  I am lucky to have found a wonderful blogger who isn’t ashamed to talk about her mental illnesses on her blog, and she is an inspiration to me.  I hope that I can find the strength to blog about my journey also.


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