Archive for August 2011




Photo Post

This Paxil is kicking my ass.  I am dizzy all the time, I have a headache that I can’t get rid of, and I just generally feel crappy.  Work is really going to suck tonight.

I wish that I had something witty and insightful to write about tonight but I am too sick to think of anything, so I am going to leave you with a picture of me and my son at the beach.

Isn’t he adorable?  At least you got your cute factor, if nothing else.  I will try to write an actual post tomorrow.

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Add a comment August 6, 2011

Judging Other Bloggers and Why You Should Be Nice To Servers

I said in my very first blog post that I did not want you to judge me on my blog, twitter and facebook.  What I did not say was that you could not take what I write and judge me on another blog, facebook, twitter, whatever.  I read a woman’s entire blog last night and this morning and am still so outraged that I feel the need to come to my own blog and judge her (anonymously, I will not name her or her blog).  If that makes me a hypocrite, then so be it.  This is my blog, and if you don’t like what you are reading, feel free to click that little x in the corner of your screen.

In this woman’s blog, which is only 7 months old and consists of maybe fifty posts, three of them are solely dedicated to being mean to servers.  She talks about how she watched her dad be mean to servers growing up and that he points out every single thing that the server does wrong so that he or she can “improve themself”.  In another post she talks about how, maybe if she threatened to call their mothers every time they mess up, servers would do their jobs better.  That pisses me off so badly.

If you want to judge how nice a person is, don’t judge them on the way they treat the person at the table with them.  Judge them on the way they treat their waitress.  I am a waitress.  I have been a waitress for about 2 years all together, and I love my job.  I love working with people, I love serving food, I love all of it.  There are nights that I hate my job, of course, but generally, I love my job.  The only part of my job that I don’t like if the customers who are mean to you when something goes wrong.

I am not perfect.  Sometimes, I forget to put an order in on time, or run a salad before the food is ready.  There are always a million things going on at once, and every single thing needs to get done.  I am sorry that I cannot drop everything to get you a new bottle of ketchup the second that you ask, but I promise to get it to you within two minutes.  A lot of things that go wrong are my fault, but a lot of things that go wrong are not my fault at all, but the kitchen.  People never see the kitchen, so they blame everything on the person that they do see.

What bothers me most is that most of the people who judge me on my waitressing skills have never actually waited tables themselves.  If you have never done my job, how can you judge me?  You don’t know what I go through on a nightly basis.  Ok, rant over.  If I still have any readers, do me a favor and tip your waitress well the next time you go out to eat.  You don’t know what she is going through.

Add a comment August 4, 2011

I Was Wrong

Paxil is NOT a miracle drug.  Paxil is going to be the death of me. 

When my doctor told me yesterday that she wanted me to start my Paxil today, I was excited.  She talked this medication up so much.  It was going to take away my depression, it was going to stop my panic attacks, it was going to take away my headaches and it was going to help me gain weight.  She mentioned that there were some side effects but said that they shouldn’t be too bad.  She also said that it would take between two and six weeks for me to see any real results.

That’s all well and good.  Unfortunately, it took about an hour for the first side effects to kick in, and they are kicking my ass.  I have been laid up in bed for most of the day, dizzy, nauseaous, exhausted, the whole nine yards.  I feel completely awful.  I hope that these side effects don’t last for too long, or that I get used to them or something.  I think I am going to start taking my medication right before I go to bed so that I can sleep through the worst of the side effects.

This is a lame, complainy post and it is way too short, but I am so tired and can barely see the screen so that’s all I have for today.  Screw you Paxil.

Add a comment August 3, 2011

I am Officially Nuts.

On the night of my Senior Prom, Kyle May, who I had several classes with, was on Model UN with and who was dating one of my best friends, told me that I was bipolar.  I had forgotten to wear the corsage my parents got me to dinner and I started freaking out and balling because I was afraid that they would find out and be upset.  After dinner, I turned around, went back to the house and got it, and was completely blissful by the time that I made it to the Prom.

In the five years since then, there have been several other people to accuse me of being mentally ill, ranging from sorority sisters to my exhusband.  Even my parents have accused me of it in the past.  After the birth of my son, the few weeks of postpartum depression made it even more evident.

I went to the doctor today for a check-up and to get a refill of Maxalt for my migraines and I got to talking with my doctor.  I told her that I haven’t been sleeping well, I am having panic attacks when it gets too busy at work, and I have periods when I am upset for no reason, and even though I realize that I am upset for no reason, I cannot seem to snap myself  out of it.  She suggested that I try Paxil for depression and anxiety.  She warned that side effects of Paxil included weight gain (which I have been trying to do for years anyways) and that if I do have maci depressive disorder (which she thinks that I might) there is a possibility that it could make it worse.  I am supposed to monitor my behavior and go back in four weeks for another check-up.

Let me clarify that my headline is not making fun of mentally ill people.  I understand how helpless you can feel when you can’t snap out of whatever is wrong with you.  People who have never felt this way can never understand.  I am lucky to have found a wonderful blogger who isn’t ashamed to talk about her mental illnesses on her blog, and she is an inspiration to me.  I hope that I can find the strength to blog about my journey also.

Add a comment August 2, 2011

My Goal for the Month of August…

is to be furiously happy.  I never heard the term furiously happy until I watched this youtube video of a speech by blogger Jenny Lawson, over at TheBloggess.com (which is another blog you need to check out, by the way!)

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I am not a “furiously happy” person.  I allow myself to get in bad moods and then I am sullen and irritating.  My bad moods can completely ruin things that I was looking forward to.  On my last day of vacation, we went down to the beach, and for no apparent reason, I was in a really bad mood.  Instead of enjoying the beach like I had been, I was annoyed at the sand and the water and my son and just did not enjoy myself.  I realized that I was ruining my last day at the beach, but no matter what I did, I could not snap myself out of it. 

The other part of being furiously happy is doing stuff that makes you happy, regardless of what other people think.  I am very self concious and care what complete strangers think about me.  I wish that I didn’t (my blog would be a lot more interesting if I didn’t.)  Jenny said that she did a lot of crazy and potentially illegal things (like jumping in a fountain with a big do not swim sign) because it made her happy and she did not care what other people (like the police) thought.  I wish that I could be more like that.

That being said, for the month of August, my goal is to be furiously happy.  Every morning I am going to wake up and remind myself that, no matter what happens that day, I am going to make an effort to be furiously happy.  I am going to do things that I would normally be embarrased to do.  I am going to make an effort to actually feel happy instead of sullen.  It’s going to be hard, but I am going to try my hardest.

Add a comment August 1, 2011

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